This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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