I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize