There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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