So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
