If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
