absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
