Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
