is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
