I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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