Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
