did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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