Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
