another moral hangover. fuck.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
