fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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