wanna go halves on a baby?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
