I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
