Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
