U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
