It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
