i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
farters have to be the big spoon...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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