Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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