Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
