The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
