I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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