I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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