I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
