i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I could make wine with my vomit
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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