**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
