i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
