Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I love having hate sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
