Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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