Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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