OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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