I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize