there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
