you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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