One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
