dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
