so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
