it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
