i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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