Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
