apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize