What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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