It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
