you lied. pity sex is amazing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
