The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
