Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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