she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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