listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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