I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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