Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize