Moan for me like Helen Keller
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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