If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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