my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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