I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
