I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
