He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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