man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
