Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
