i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I could fuck to npr.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
