I wish i was in the wii world.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
