Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize