let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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