grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
