I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
