Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I lost the right to judge tonight
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
