dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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