I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
