hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
